Life outside of the wedding

Two weeks ago, I came to the realization that I've become lost in my identity as a bride. I have nothing to talk about outside of wedding planning. And that's just ONE day of my life!

John and I really want to make sure that we lay the foundation for a good marriage and that we concentrate on our future together, but it is so incredibly easy for me to spend my time worrying about the smallest aspects of the wedding. The biggest plan so far is the premarital counseling. To us, that's the most important part outside of the vows. Our pastor recently paired us up with a mentor couple and they happen to be John's Bible study leaders, which is so incredibly perfect. They are wonderful people and they know us well enough to really get us to dig deep.

We were supposed to meet up with our mentor couple this week, but I haven't been feeling well, so we had to cancel. We're supposed to have six sessions before we get married and I am not sure how we'll squeeze it all in.

Right now, there's not much to update on the bride side of my life. There are so many details that are still up in the air! The two biggest aspects of the wedding that need to be decided are:

* The color of the wedding. So much is dependent upon the color. John's tuxedo vest, our mothers' attire, the invitation paper, our decorations and floral arrangements, the favors, and possibly also the flower girl's dress (our sole attendant) if we decide to go with a colored dress.

* A reception site. Um, some people think it's a good idea to know where you'll be eating after the wedding. We can't complete our vendor contracts until we know where we'll have the reception. Invitations are a little difficult to print without that information as well. So obvious and yet, so difficult to decide. Additionally, one of the locations really locks us into a 50 person guest list.

As for the non-bride side of me, I have been dealing with my thyroid the last two weeks. On Monday the 12th, I had an appointment for an ultrasound to check out the nodules they found on my thyroid last year. Not a big deal, but something to watch and confirm whether I have Hashimoto's. You can learn more at: http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/hashimoto.htm.

I had understood that the appointment was also for a Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA), but they hadn't scheduled it that way. During the ultrasound, my doctor realized that an FNA was necessary so he asked me to come back later that morning and so that he could take some samples. In my head, I was prepared to give samples, but my thyroid was incredibly stubborn and Friday morning I found out that I had to go back in the following Monday to get another sample taken. This time, the doctor promised, he would use another method and he assured me that we would get a better sample. Essentially, the next appointment was a "do-over" of sorts, but I couldn't help from letting the George Costanza in me wonder "Is it cancer?"

The new method was actually the one we did in December: he utilized negative pressure with the needle. For those of you who took science, you realize that we essentially attempted to vacuum out a sample of my thyroid. Pretty, huh?!? The cool part of the whole process was that the doctor used an air gun to anesthetize my neck area because I had some discomfort the week before. Very cool. The problem with this method is that your neck looks like you're an extra in the movie Total Recall; I swear I had two little boobies on my neck for two days! I much prefer the vampire attacked me look of the non-air gun method. But how cool is the air gun?!?

The doctor called me at 7 last night to go over my results. It's kind of scary to have a doctor call you on Friday night, but he is awesome and just didn't want me to spend the holiday weekend worrying. Goodness! How well he knows me! Apparently, I have a pretty stubborn thyroid that does not like to give up (good) samples. Before I could whine to him about how miserable I've been all week with exhaustion and an upset stomach, he said that the samples didn't show anything scary and that he would just monitor my thyroid growth via ultrasound at our next visit. Woo woo!

These past two weeks have taught me a great deal. I was so desirous of having a life outside of the wedding and then this medical situation came up. I disregarded my fears and emotions when I should have prayed them out. Like my brother, John is good at keeping me calm by reminding me the facts of the matter, but there is something to be said about the power of prayer.

I am truly blessed with the friends, family, and medical staff that I have. Everyone was so supportive as I secretly worried about what the tests would show. Perhaps God gave them the discernment to know my hidden heart and help me get through these waiting periods and see that things were truly okay. Hmm. God provides. Novel concept.