The (Other) Love of My Life

I just realized the other day that since we've gotten engaged, I've purchased several pairs of shoes. Until then, I hadn't bought many shoes, but I've really ramped it up in the past few months. I have some theories about the spike 0f shoe purchases and I'm sure John could agree with one.

John has always marveled at the number of shoes I have in my closet. He thinks it's an extravagance and completely unnecessary, but I really feel that shoes are the ultimate accessory; they can spice things up or just be practical. To him, my few pairs of black shoes are an abundant array, but it's the unique shoes that really have him questioning if I have a mild addiction. Admittedly, these yellow raw silk wedges were an impulse buy. Luckily for me, these statement shoes were only $20 and I've managed to wear them twice.

For those who are familiar with my shoe wardrobe, these rays of sunshine are a close second to my favorite shoes: my Cruella de Vil shoes. I have a pair of dalmatian print pumps that I bought a few years ago. They have a black velvet narrow heel and a small burgundy bow. I love those shoes! My feet hurt after wearing them and I suspect that a podiatrist would urge me to give them up, but honestly, they are just too cute.

As far back as I can remember, I have always loved shoes. I cannot remember a time when I didn't view them as important. When I was in grade school, my parents called me Imelda because I had more shoes than my mother. After that christening, I guess I felt I had to live up to the name. I tell myself and others that I would never have a room dedicated to shoes like Mrs. Marcos, but if I had the space in a house, anything is possible. All this to say that the large shoe wardrobe is normal for me and came as a surprise to me when John shared his differing opinion.

One day, I was dealing with outfit trauma and consequently was running late for church (shocker, huh?). I couldn't find the right shoes to go with my outfit. I had my shoes strewn about the room and to him, there was a sea of black items that all looked equally adequate. A pair of black pointy mules, my square toe pumps that I tend to reserve for serious occasions, strappy heels which are best in the evening, a pair of ankle strap heels which are my go-to black shoes, and my black slides. Ideally, my brown loafers would have been black and we could have left at that point. I was stuck on loafers while John pointed to a pair and I would have to explain to him why those shoes just wouldn't do. He suggested that I wear my boots but I was wearing cropped pants and the style of boot I have just doesn't lend itself to that. I am pretty sure he rolled his eyes more than once. In the interest of time, I think I ended up changing the whole outfit just so we could get to church.

A conversation easily started while I put away each pair later that afternoon. John was just shocked that with "all those shoes" I couldn't find something that would have sufficed. "All you need", he told me, "is like four pairs of shoes." And his total included my running shoes! While he sat in the room, I scanned my closet and looked at each box and wondered which ones I would have to set aside to maintain the sized collection he believed was appropriate. It was a task that proved impossible for my imagination. Right then, I did something utterly stupid and shared with him the deal my friend's brother made with his wife.

Like John, Jeremy believed in having a few pairs of shoes and with limited closet space in their first apartment, Jeremy and his wife had a deal. For every pair of shoes that she bought, an existing pair had to be given up. This way, she would buy what she needed whether that need was real or imaginary. Seeing the stacks of shoes in my closet, John laughed and said that for me, he would have to impose a rule where I expunged TWO pairs for each new pair that entered the married closet. John is insistent that I agreed to his variation of this deal, but that is entirely not correct. I don't think I could even agree on a one-to-one exchange and much less two!

As the date nears where we have shared closet space, John is very interested in my shoe purchases. I've even heard some rumblings about how his rule should cover any purchases made during the engagement. Oh goodness, no!

Perhaps this sudden surge of shoe shopping is due to the impending nuptials and the fear that John would ask me to cut ties with one of my dear babies. Or perhaps it was all induced by the hype that is the Sex and the City movie and the need to have something fashionable.

Personally, I prefer the second theory. If you agree with the first one, please don't tell John.

Wedding Happenings

After a small hiatus from wedding planning, this weekend has been one dedicated to the details. Slacker bride no more!

Saturday, my mom and I met with Brandi of Party Petals (http://www.partypetalsfloral.com/) to review the floral vision of the wedding. Sounds fancy, huh? When we arrived, Brandi had this gorgeous bouquet sitting in a vase and I just fell in love with it. While maintaining a monochromatic look, she managed to get variety and texture within the bouquet. It looks gorgeous! I have seen so many bouquets that are either one flower (kind of blah) or they are multi-colored (not as formal), but nothing that has this sort of look, so I am very happy. I had found a boutonniere style that In Style Weddings had featured, but when I brought the sample home, I didn't get an overwhelming response from John, so we may go the traditional route.

Thinking back on it, I'm not sure what kind of response from him would have been appropriate. It's a flower! I doubt most grooms give much thought to whether a boutonniere looks masculine or is cleverly different. It's funny how one can put so much thought into a small detail and how it would most likely be overlooked by the guests of the wedding and anyone viewing the photos.

Speaking of photos, we met with Cynthia of Everlasting Images yesterday and got to see some of her samples up close. Most of them are posted on her website: http://www.myeverlastingimages.net/. We haven't had a chance to see samples of her indoor shots, but we like the work that we've seen so far. Cynthia will be forwarding indoor shots later this week so we should be able to make a decision and get another vendor committed.

I just realized how much needs to be decided in the next coming weeks and it's a little overwhelming. Of course, Karen has been reminding me of the important decisions and helping me keep on task.

Later today, I'll be attending a Bridesmaids' Luncheon my friend is hosting for her bridal party, which will be great. I can't believe Emily's wedding is just two weeks away!

Have a great Memorial Day!

Life outside of the wedding

Two weeks ago, I came to the realization that I've become lost in my identity as a bride. I have nothing to talk about outside of wedding planning. And that's just ONE day of my life!

John and I really want to make sure that we lay the foundation for a good marriage and that we concentrate on our future together, but it is so incredibly easy for me to spend my time worrying about the smallest aspects of the wedding. The biggest plan so far is the premarital counseling. To us, that's the most important part outside of the vows. Our pastor recently paired us up with a mentor couple and they happen to be John's Bible study leaders, which is so incredibly perfect. They are wonderful people and they know us well enough to really get us to dig deep.

We were supposed to meet up with our mentor couple this week, but I haven't been feeling well, so we had to cancel. We're supposed to have six sessions before we get married and I am not sure how we'll squeeze it all in.

Right now, there's not much to update on the bride side of my life. There are so many details that are still up in the air! The two biggest aspects of the wedding that need to be decided are:

* The color of the wedding. So much is dependent upon the color. John's tuxedo vest, our mothers' attire, the invitation paper, our decorations and floral arrangements, the favors, and possibly also the flower girl's dress (our sole attendant) if we decide to go with a colored dress.

* A reception site. Um, some people think it's a good idea to know where you'll be eating after the wedding. We can't complete our vendor contracts until we know where we'll have the reception. Invitations are a little difficult to print without that information as well. So obvious and yet, so difficult to decide. Additionally, one of the locations really locks us into a 50 person guest list.

As for the non-bride side of me, I have been dealing with my thyroid the last two weeks. On Monday the 12th, I had an appointment for an ultrasound to check out the nodules they found on my thyroid last year. Not a big deal, but something to watch and confirm whether I have Hashimoto's. You can learn more at: http://www.womenshealth.gov/faq/hashimoto.htm.

I had understood that the appointment was also for a Fine Needle Aspiration (FNA), but they hadn't scheduled it that way. During the ultrasound, my doctor realized that an FNA was necessary so he asked me to come back later that morning and so that he could take some samples. In my head, I was prepared to give samples, but my thyroid was incredibly stubborn and Friday morning I found out that I had to go back in the following Monday to get another sample taken. This time, the doctor promised, he would use another method and he assured me that we would get a better sample. Essentially, the next appointment was a "do-over" of sorts, but I couldn't help from letting the George Costanza in me wonder "Is it cancer?"

The new method was actually the one we did in December: he utilized negative pressure with the needle. For those of you who took science, you realize that we essentially attempted to vacuum out a sample of my thyroid. Pretty, huh?!? The cool part of the whole process was that the doctor used an air gun to anesthetize my neck area because I had some discomfort the week before. Very cool. The problem with this method is that your neck looks like you're an extra in the movie Total Recall; I swear I had two little boobies on my neck for two days! I much prefer the vampire attacked me look of the non-air gun method. But how cool is the air gun?!?

The doctor called me at 7 last night to go over my results. It's kind of scary to have a doctor call you on Friday night, but he is awesome and just didn't want me to spend the holiday weekend worrying. Goodness! How well he knows me! Apparently, I have a pretty stubborn thyroid that does not like to give up (good) samples. Before I could whine to him about how miserable I've been all week with exhaustion and an upset stomach, he said that the samples didn't show anything scary and that he would just monitor my thyroid growth via ultrasound at our next visit. Woo woo!

These past two weeks have taught me a great deal. I was so desirous of having a life outside of the wedding and then this medical situation came up. I disregarded my fears and emotions when I should have prayed them out. Like my brother, John is good at keeping me calm by reminding me the facts of the matter, but there is something to be said about the power of prayer.

I am truly blessed with the friends, family, and medical staff that I have. Everyone was so supportive as I secretly worried about what the tests would show. Perhaps God gave them the discernment to know my hidden heart and help me get through these waiting periods and see that things were truly okay. Hmm. God provides. Novel concept.

THE Story - How We Got Engaged

I think many of my friends would agree that this engagement was a long time coming. Every time I turned around, I felt like it was the perfect time to get engaged.

We went to Puerto Rico and he met my extended family. We were on that beautiful island for almost two weeks. Nothing. We celebrated New Years. Nothing. I hit the landmark of living in my own house for a year. Nothing. We celebrated Valentine's Day. Nothing. He went to church's men's retreat where my old high school youth pastor spoke and came back the day before my birthday. Nothing. Would he propose on St. Patrick's Day to be random? Nope. Easter? Nothing. But almost.

Ah! The almost! Well, on Easter, John and I went to church with my parents and had brunch at my house with them. They left and I thought we would go to Daffodil Hill* and see an abundance of my favorite flower. We were so exhausted that we both took a nap instead and woke up for dinner time. We ended up going to Chinese and afterwards we got the following fortunes:

John: Do it now! Today is tomorrow's yesterday.

Dagnes: Don't let a once in a lifetime opportunity pass you by.

So, of course, I got snarky and asked him "Got anything to ask me?" And he did. "Should we start walking home?" And we did. And it hurt. And it continued to hurt when I figured he was just waiting until we got home. But NOTHING.

All of this came together and I began to wonder what was keeping him from proposing. He loves me, I know, but does he love me enough to get married? We "discussed" this (i.e. I cried and he sat patiently while he reminded me that if he proposed, I would always wonder about his motivation) over the next few days and I began to wonder how much more time I should give him until I needed to protect my heart. I know how much I love him, but I needed to know how much he loved me. And I threw down the gauntlet - he had to tell me why he loved me. What made me so special?!?

And almost immediately he told me in so many different ways. I was so incredibly shocked that he was expressing himself and telling me how much he appreciated me in his life and how much he felt so undeserving. I almost interrupted him to tell him that wasn't the way things were or that I felt the same way about him, but he already knew these things and this was his moment to really express himself. I was so touched by what he said that my heart was finally assuaged and I knew that things would be better in the coming days.

So, on March 27 (coincendentally 3 and 1/2 years after our first real date), when I got home from work, John was sitting at the kitchen counter, which was odd. He usually doesn't get to my house until about a 1/2 hour after I do. If he had a short day, he's usually in the living room watching TV or at the kitchen table on the computer. But he was at the counter, dressed in church clothes (polo and non-denim shorts) and he was smiling. I didn't think much of it because I was running around looking for my car keys. His car was not parked on the driveway or in front of my house either. So, while I explained to him that I wanted my keys so I could go get my thyroid (important!), I ran up the stairs and quizzed him about how he got to my house.

Did you bike? Nope.

"Did you WALK??" "No." And laughter.

"Well, how in the world did you get here? Where's your car?" "Outside."

"No it isn't!? Whatever, do you want to come with me to get my meds?" "Sure."

And then down the stairs we went. And he stood over by the hall closet down stairs and I looked at him and he had this sheepish grin on his face and then I happened to look past him into the living room. And I saw a giant TV! And then I gasped "Oh my God!" and then he asked me to marry him. And of course I said yes and we kissed and then I called my parents who already knew, sent text messages to Mark, who introduced us, and my brother, and sent out a mass e-mail.

Apparently, John had taken a 1/2 day at work and called my father for his blessing and then went out to get the engagement TV. Then he hauled it to my house and had his Bible Study leader, Curt, help him set it up and then went home to get purty and then waited until I got back to my house. His car had been parked across the street to throw me off. And was I ever! I totally love the TV (40" Sony Bravia XBR) and I am so glad we stuck with it.

You're probably wondering about what a TV has to do with an engagement. I've never been much for jewelry and early on - before I met John - I realized that I was the kind of person who would only wear her wedding band once she was married and if I had an engagement ring, it would sit in the closet for the bulk of our married lives because I'm too sentimental to have it made into something else. It seemed a waste and after you factor that in with the whole eco-socio-political thing about diamonds and the cost, it just wasn't that appealing to me. So, I decided that I would like a big screen TV; it's still extravagant, but it's practical.

On our first date, John and I talked about relationships and expectations and somehow we got around to engagement rings (a serious first date no-no topic but we went there anyway) or something and I told him how I'd like a TV. That hooked him, I guess. And over the course of our relationship, we've swayed back and forth about the issue and how people would know I was engaged and everything. The ring, is just a symbol, and diamonds for engagements became a fad in the 20th century, so it wasn't like it had any particular meaning for me. And a TV, large and extravagant, or super techy, is also just a symbol. But the beauty of the TV is that its something we can both enjoy together. So, that's why there was a TV in my living room instead of a diamond ring on my finger. And it is a glorious TV. I love it. And I'm so very happy.

And the first movie we watched was "Over the Hedge" so that we could get a good sense of the HD qualities of the TV.

*Daffodil Hill: http://www.amadorcountychamber.com/Daffodil%20Hill.htm

Settling Dust

Well, we've been pretty productive the past few days and some decisions have been made. I've always loved to cross things off of my To Do List, but now, it's just such a thrill. One less thing to think about. Yippee!

On Friday, John brought home some sample books of wedding invitations and we searched for our invitation. While watching some taped episodes of Survivor, I searched online and came across an invitation that we both agreed on. The next morning, we chose the wording for our invitation.

We took a look at Wildhorse on Monday and it's a location that could work for what we want. The best part about the venue is their events coordinator, Susan. She's obviously interested in making sure everything is done to meet her clients' expectations. With menus, decor, and every little detail, she's willing to work with you. She's good about keeping in touch with her clients, which is extremely helpful when you have a time sensitive question.

We're still looking at a few other locations to see what other options we have, but we're getting somewhere.

On Monday, I was concerned that we would have to move our wedding date because we hadn't found a photographer. By Tuesday afternoon, Karen had three leads and they all look pretty promising. One is a photographer that a friend in my Bible study had heard about. That was definitely an answer to prayer.

As whirlwind as it has been, I haven't gotten too overwhelmed (yet). Karen has been setting up appointments so that John and I can meet the florist, photographer, and baker and get to know their work. Cake tasting is just around the corner!! Woo woo!

John and I have spent the week going back and forth about the color of the wedding. We settled on red and now I'm starting to think, maybe it should be a different color, or a variation of red. Or maybe the florist can tell me what would look good on an August evening. I have no idea and I'm too lazy to research it out. My mom found a great floral website: http://www.fiftyflowers.com/ and I've been checking out In Style Weddings' website and falling in love with their floral arrangements.

Along with all of the wedding day planning, John and I have been coming up with ideas for the honeymoon. We've decided to drive up the coast of California, but we haven't settled on the locations yet. More on that later, though.

Serenity (please)

My friend and I met this morning for study and decided to make it a time of prayer rather than go through our study. I came across this prayer in Ruth Myers' book 31 Days of Prayer: Moving God's Mighty Hand. It was such a blessing to me and my friend, that I thought I would share it with you.

Day 4: Pray for Wisdom and Guidance

Dear Lord, how generous and powerful you are! Able to listen to and help everyone in the world at the same time. What a wonderful Master to belong to! And thank You for revealing Your promises, commands, and principles, so that Your Spirit can guide me in my praying and my living.

I come to You now, asking You for greater and understanding in spiritual things. May I know what You want for me in the important decisions I am facing. Give me on-the-spot wisdom in conversations and in immediate decisions. In such decisions enable me to quickly commit them to You and trust You to help me say and do the right thing. Keep reminding me to do this, both at home and elsewhere so that I won't depend on my own understanding.

Guide me in the long-range decisions I'm facing. Help me seek the Holy Spirit's enlightenment from Your Word. Help me as I weigh the possibilities, then conclude the right steps to take and the right time to take them. How much I need Your wisdom and guidance!

I pray now about some special decisions I have regarding _________ and __________. And guide other believers, near and far, in the decisions they are facing - especially _________ and _________. As our Shepard, lead us in good paths, in paths that please You.

Again, I praise You for Your wonderful wisdom and power and Your deep desire for my highest good - each day and throughout my life.

Ruth Myers used the following scriptures (by paragraph) to compose this prayer.
Psalm 145:6-7; 16-19
Colossians 1:9-11, NCV; Psalm 37:5; Proverbs 3:5-6
2 Chronicles 20:12
Psalm 33:3; 143:8-10
Isaiah 55:8-9; Ephesians 3:20; Romans 8:28-29

I was given this book by a dear friend and I go to it often when I can't find the right words to pray to God. Ruth Myers has written several books on praying God's Word and each are powerful and helpful.

I hope that they bless you as much as they have me.

Wedding Date

Well, we've decided on August 8th to get married. And for those of you following the Olympics, you know that is less than 100 days from today. I am starting to see how insane it is to plan a wedding in such a short amount of time. Just crazy.

One of my friends said to me that the benefit would be that the associated stress would be condensed into a shorter period. Having a longer engagement would not mean less stress, but rather an extended period of stress. Oddly, there is quite a bit of consolation in that.

This past week has been whirlwind. John and I hired Karen Caskey of An Impressive Event (www.animpressiveevent.com) to do our wedding planning. Once we made the decision to hire her, a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I feel like I'm some upper class snob for having a wedding planner, but knowing the stress basket Type-A personality that I have, I need to have professional help (and we're not talking psychiatric). My mom's retired and can help out, but having someone with connections is amazingly crucial. Especially with this short time frame. Karen has been super on top of it since we first contacted her for a consultation. I contacted her on Tuesday during my lunch hour and by the time I checked my e-mail when I got home, I had several e-mails from her about locations and other professionals that were available for our date. I have been so impressed with her service so far.

And relieved. I know that I can survive the wedding planning with her assistance. She's budget conscious and is also able to grasp our vision for the wedding and run with it. That's a relief, to say the least.

We're going to be reviewing some cost comparisons this weekend and choose a reception venue. Once that's decided, I think I can finally choose the wedding colors. I hadn't given much thought to the colors since I wasn't planning on having attendents. But the decorations, invitations, and mothers' dresses are all dependent upon this choice.

With Karen's help, things will come together very soon.